


Never alone

by Demon_Virgil (Asteria_Anxiety)



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Depression, Dismissal of mental health issues, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Health Issues, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-23 04:55:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20002663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asteria_Anxiety/pseuds/Demon_Virgil
Summary: Please be aware that this is a vent fic! Characters are likely way out of character. But really, who would expect them to be in a vent fic?Dee is feeling like shit after they had a coversation with their mother. Luckily their friends are there to let them talk things out.





	Never alone

“Why are you like this?” Dee muttered to himself. They had lost count of how many times they had asked themself that question, but they still had yet to find an answer.  
Ever since their antidepressants had run out, they had felt like complete garbage. They couldn’t sleep, the world was spinning and their emotional state was a wreck. They knew it was because they had stopped taking their meds. Yet they couldn’t muster the courage to make that phonecall to schedule a doctors appointment. Just like they could barely muster to get out of bed in the morning or whenever they woke up. Because sleep just didn’t seem to want to stay for more than a few hours. And when it did, it was at 4 in the afternoon.  
The only reason they even woke up was because of their friends. At least they were a stable they could count on. People who actually seemed to care about them, unlike the people who claimed to have given birth to them. People who they could vent to, share love with and share their passions with. People they had fallen in love with. Just a shame that they lived so far away.  
But the antidepressants running out wasn’t the only reason for them feeling like utter crap.  
No.  
It was a recent conversation with their mother that had gotten them to this point.  
  
It had been a very hot summer day. Dee had forced themself to wear a dress because it was the only clothing option that didn’t make them feel like they were about to melt like a human popcicle.  
The fact that their mother somehow had managed to lure them out of the house at all was amazing, but sometimes all it took was a milkshake. They were good though.  
But on the way to their destination, a certain topic came up.  
“I’m gonna ask you how you know about those pills again.” Their mother had said. “You said you felt more tired and that you were more emotional, but-“  
  
“As well as dizzy. I literally have cried for no reason, mother!” Dee interrupted, internally begging for her to understand.  
“Yes, but are you sure you want to get back on them? Ever since you ran out you’ve been yourself more, more present and willing to do things. Heck, the fact that I could get you out of the house is incredible!”  
  
It took Dee a lot of energy to not smack their mother right then and there. Was she seriously suggesting that they shouldn’t take meds that made their emotional state a lot better??? Which in turn prevented more of those crying episodes where they had to fear their mom seeing or hearing them because they might tell them to not talk to their friends? All because one friend in the past had taken advantage of their empathy and made them cry a lot because they kept threatening suicide and now their mother thought that was what was happening????  
  
“Well, maybe. They do make me feel better-“  
  
“More like they place you in a bubble to prevent you from feeling sad. You’re not having thoughts of suicide or self harm are you?” their mother interrupted.  
  
“Well no, but-“  
  
“Then what’s wrong with feeling the way you are? Surely the vitamins will be all you need. It doesn’t seem like your depression is even affecting you all that much.” Their mother said.  
Dee reluctantly agreed. Mostly due to the fact they were stuck in a car with this woman. But part of them was thinking that she had a point.  
“Depression isn’t just feeling sad all the time. There’s more to it” she said.  
Was this lady seriously saying this right now!? Suggesting that they might in fact not have depression simply because they weren’t feeling suicidal?!  
  
Dee was more than happy when she switched the conversation topic away from their mental health, because they could feel the anger and disappointment well up and getting close to making them cry. And the last thing they wanted was to cry in front of one of the people who had forced them to repress their emotions ever since they were 10. They were 20 now. They knew that they were likely going to answer for this conversation later on when they were able to properly process it.  
  
Hours went by and once they were back home, Dee went straight to their room. This shit had taken so many spoons that they knew that they’d have to take a nap to recover. Even though they knew they’d wake up all sweaty, gross and dysphoric because of the dress. At least for now they could take that stupid bra off.  
Why did feminine people have to wear these torture devices?  
  
  
“She did what?!” Patton’s loud voice almost echoed in Dee’s head. They muttered a soft “ow…” and Patton quickly apologized before continuing on his rant. “Did she seriously tell you that you couldn’t be depressed simply because you weren’t having thoughts of suicide?! First of all, that’s wrong and second-“  
  
“Okay, that’s it! I’m going to fly over to you and murder her! How fucking dare-“ Roman interrupted. Dee could almost see him clutching that big samurai sword of his that he owned for some reason.

“Pat, Ro please calm down, you being upset won’t help them.” Logan’s voice came through, somehow cutting through the slight yelling. “Besides, you won’t be able to help them by being in prison.”  
  
“If going to prison means Dee will be safe from that bitch then so be it!” Virgil said, a growl making his voice husky.  
Dee felt like crying. One of them was obviously the situation that happened hours before. But being called by the right pronouns and name made them unbelievably happy.  
Because there was no way they were going to be able to come out to their family. If they were willing to deny them being autistic and depressed, how big of a chance were there that they’d accept them being nonbinary and aroace? If they even believed it was a thing and not just some made up thing. Being misgendered and deadnamed seemed to be the safer choice here. At least till they no longer lived with these people.  
  
“Thank you…” they muttered, barely mustering out any sound. The fact that they were even able to talk right now was a surprise to them, since they were sure they’d be completely nonverbal by now.  
Patton made a noise on his end and his camera turned on, showing a soft smile for a moment before the camera went dark due to him hugging the camera.  
“You’re such a dork, Patton. And I don’t mean it in the way that Remus does!” Roman commented, getting slightly flustered, as he remembered the little tidbit that his brother had shared with them all when he suddenly burst into Roman’s room and interrupted their call.  
  
Virgil snickered. “You still haven’t forgotten that, huh?” he said as he turned his camera on as well so the others could see his barely illuminated face as he rolled his eyes.  
“Bit hard to when he literally burst into my room only dressed in socks” Roman grumbled.  
The whole group groaned in unison at the mental image. Various versions of “Whyyyyyy” sounded.  
“I heard my name?” a voice called from the other side of the room.  
“No you did not!” Roman yelled back, quickly storming over to his door to lock it.  
  
For a while, the group just talked about things they planned to do when they met up. And what they’d do when they all lived together. The rest of them had their cameras turned on as well, seeing as there was no reason not to have it on.  
Then, Dee let out a sigh.  
“What’s wrong?” Logan asked, concern colouring his voice.  
“It’s my mom. I’m just starting to realize that this situation is literally the reason I held off on telling her about my depression to begin with…” they muttered.  
The others went silent for a moment, just long enough that Dee started to wonder if they had made them all leave or that the connection cut out.  
  
“We’re not going to leave you with these people. Never. If we have to fucking smuggle you over here, we’ll do it. I’m not gonna just stand by as you get talked down to or dismissed. And not to mention how you fear that they might not even accept you as you actually are. Accept that you’re Dee, a nonbinary person who happens to be an aromantic asexual who also happens to be poly. Instead of forcing you to be Samantha the cishet girl.” Virgil’s voice was serious, his voice getting slightly angry as he said Dee’s deadname.  
The others nodded.  
  
“You’re never alone. No matter what your brain may try to tell you. They’re simply cognitive distortions. And you do remember the things I taught you as to how to deal with those, right? All of you. Not just Dee.” Logan said, giving a stern look that lingered particularly on Virgil. He visibly shrunk a little. He knew why Logan said this. He had been so guilty of having those and treating them as fact.  
  
“Recognize the thought, write it down, consider your distress, think it through to figure out if it’s reasonable or not, figure out which kind of of cognitive distortion it is and then find a better thought to replace it.” Patton said, looking proud to have retained all of that information. Logan made a noise that the others were pretty sure was him being amazed. Dee uncomfortably brushed their gloved hands over their short hair. The motion calmed them down a bit.  
  
“How are you feeling now, Dee? You don’t seem too good.” Roman asked, all the anger having left his voice to be replaced with worry and seriousness that was uncharacteristic of him.  
“I’m not sure if I’m honest…There’s a lot of thoughts going through my head and none of them seem to translate right now” they said, not looking at the camera.  
“You don’t have to tell us right away, if you want to talk, we’re just a short message away!” Patton chirped.  
Dee let out a soft laugh. They were still surprised that there were people who took how he felt seriously. People who didn’t put them down, made them feel bad for how they felt, even showed that they cared and were willing to listen. People they didn’t have to lie and pretend around and saw right through them when they did.  
  
“We’re here for you. We always will be. Believe me.” Dee had a hard time picking up on who said it, they were so so tired. They should probably go to bed, seeing as it was 5 am.  
  
“I’m going to sleep now, thank you so much for your help” they said, smiling for the first time in a long time where they knew, they were actually happy and meant it.  
As they closed their computer, they barely walked 5 steps before their eyes were closed and drifting off into dream land. Dreaming of a better time ahead. A time where they could be with their chosen family.


End file.
